Yes, your journey sounds a bit similar to my mom's journey through anxiety. She thought it was something wrong with being "sad" so for years she would "will" her way to "happy." I suppose at some point, our bodies and brains just can't do it anymore and those feelings we've pushed down become too powerful and rise to the surface. Hers rose as anxiety. After my panic attack in 2019, I think I was on the same path.